


Lop, Stock, and Barrel

by Hanaiiro



Series: qmi and a holland lop [2]
Category: Super Junior, Super Junior-M
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-02-23 05:28:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23273008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hanaiiro/pseuds/Hanaiiro
Summary: Zhou Mi harbors a secret bunny. Kyuhyun is obtuse.
Relationships: Cho Kyuhyun/Zhou Mi
Series: qmi and a holland lop [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1673527
Kudos: 13





	Lop, Stock, and Barrel

**Author's Note:**

> [sj] Lop, Stock, and Barrel  
> Lop, Stock, and Barrel, Kyuhyun/Zhou Mi  
> 1380 words; Zhou Mi harbors a secret bunny. Kyuhyun is obtuse. Marginally related to Circular Definition. ♦ 
> 
> 2010-12-25 Original link: http://aronnax.livejournal.com/14292.html

Zhou Mi comes through the living room carrying a rather large box-shaped object with a shawl draped around it. 

"What's that?" asks Kyuhyun. 

"Oh," Zhou Mi begins, maneuvering his way through the door, around the furniture, across the room and towards the hallway to the spare bedroom. "I don't know." 

"What do you mean, you don't know? What's in the box?" 

"What box?" 

"The box that _you are carrying._ " 

Zhou Mi's voice trails off as he enters the other room. "I don't know what box you're talking about." 

Of course, the last time Zhou Mi was keeping some type of shady secret, it turned out to be this horrifically sparkly leopard-print camisole he was trying to sew. So Kyuhyun figures that whatever it is this time, it's probably marginally better. From this Kyuhyun concludes that there is most likely nothing to worry about. 

* 

The next day, after Kyuhyun returns home from class, he finds a bale of hay on his kitchen table. 

"Hey, Zhou Mimi," Kyuhyun calls down the hallway, "where did the hay come from?" 

"I bought it," Zhou Mi replies from inside the spare room. 

Kyuhyun tentatively pokes the bale. He wonders what Zhou Mi could possibly want hay for. He hopes it's not some kind of pastoral farmland fetish - and then, he decides there must be something wrong with him for even thinking about that. And then, because it's already happened, he starts thinking about it more and more until he's got this really terrible mental image of naked Zhou Mi shearing sheep. 

"What - what's it for?" Kyuhyun asks weakly. 

"It's... um, it's decorative. Decorative hay." 

Kyuhyun decides that's a good enough response for him. He doesn't think about hay for the rest of the evening. 

* 

In the morning, Zhou Mi is once again inside the spare room. Kyuhyun presses his ear against the door, and hears the distinct sound of someone hammering something into wood. He tries the knob but it's locked.  
"You can't come in," Zhou Mi calls, apparently noticing Kyuhyun's doorknob attempt. 

"Why?" Kyuhyun demands. 

"Oh, uhm, I don't know," Zhou Mi responds evasively. 

Kyuhyun gives the door a petulant kick. "What are you building?" 

"What? I'm not building anything." 

"I can _hear you._ You're using a hammer!" 

"No, I'm ... not using a hammer." 

As if in rebuttal, Kyuhyun hears the whirring of a power screwdriver. 

* 

First, Kyuhyun discovers that the mass of wires underneath his desk has been unattractively and haphazadly knotted up with electrician tape, and made to hang in a terribly unappealing clump, high up on the wall. 

Then, Kyuhyun reaches an arm behind his printer to plug in his laptop charger, and realizes that he outlet has been blocked with a safety cover. 

Finally, Kyuhyun finds that his mouse cord has been encased in some kind of incredibly stiff, plastic tubing. It's a bit difficult to use a mouse when it doesn't seem to want to move. Confused and a little frustrated, he disconnects the mouse and takes it with him into the kitchen, where Zhou Mi is washing a pet food bowl. 

"Did you do this to my mouse?" Kyuhyun asks, holding up his unbending cord. 

"Yes," says Zhou Mi unconcerned, not looking away from the sink. 

_"Why?"_

"It's safer like that. So no one would be able to bite through it and get electrocuted." 

"Why would anyone want to bite my mouse cord?" 

Zhou Mi shrugs. "Maybe if you just really feel like chewing something someday, and that's the only thing around. You know, it could be very dangerous." 

"I don't ever feel like _chewing cords_ ," Kyuhyun retorts. 

Zhou Mi takes a stalk of celery from the refrigerator and begins to chop it into pieces. "You never know." 

"Something is going on here," Kyuhyun says decisively, narrowing his eyes. "I'm going to figure out what you're keeping from me." 

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Zhou Mi responds, measuring out half a cup of rabbit pellets. "I thought we had no secrets." 

*  
Kyuhyun's got a few hypotheses. 

He's seen those outlet safety covers before. He knows what demographic they're meant for. He also knows that that particular demographic is notably fond of chewing on things they're not supposed to chew on. 

He corners Zhou Mi the next morning to confirm his suspicions. 

"Are you expecting a baby?" 

Zhou Mi gives him a blank stare. "No, Kyuhyun, I am not with child." 

"No, no, that's not what I mean - I mean, are you expecting a baby to come visit this apartment sometime soon? Like, are you expecting guests, and is one of those guests under the age of two?" 

Zhou Mi looks at him as though he's gone insane. "Not... that I'm aware of?" 

"Sure. Okay," Kyuhyun says suspiciously. 

*  
But that was probably wrong. He moves on to his next theory: 

"Listen," he says during dinner that night, "I know you've always wanted a pony, but an apartment is not a good place to have one." 

"What are you even talking about?" 

Kyuhyun points at the bale of hay sitting on the table between them. 

Zhou Mi rolls his eyes. "I told you, that's decorative hay. I'm not getting a pony. And I have not 'always wanted a pony,' thank you. Feel free at any time to stop implying I'm a little girl. I know I had that unicorn book, but it was an _anthropological narrative_ \- " 

"If you're not getting a pony, then why is our refrigerator full of celery and parsley?" 

"Those are..." Zhou Mi opens his mouth, possibly waiting for his mind to come up with a good enough excuse. "Those are also for decoration." 

"You're decorating the inside of our crisper drawer?" 

"Yes," Zhou Mi says slowly. "Let's go with that." 

* 

Kyuhyun has one last idea. He stops by a bakery after class and buys an intimidatingly large cake, covered in buttercream frosting and dotted with little buttercream baby seals and buttercream polar bears. Then he goes to the market, picks up ice cream and a pound of cashews and a whole glazed ham. He returns home to Zhou Mi standing at the kitchen counter, happily chopping kale. 

Kyuhyun throws the ham at him. 

"What the hell?" Zhou Mi demands, a bit bewildered by the sudden appearance of ham.  
"Do you realize how thin you are? You're almost two-dimensional. You can take yourself off this ridiculous vegetable diet, you don't need to lose any weight." 

Zhou Mi watches as Kyuhyun sets a pastry box on the table next to the hay, and then hands him a fork. 

"Now eat this whole cake," says Kyuhyun. 

"I'm not on a diet - " Zhou Mi begins. 

"I'm not leaving until you _eat the cake_." Kyuhyun crosses his arms and gives Zhou Mi a hardened stare. "All of it. Especially the polar bears." 

Zhou Mi puts down the ham and sighs. "Okay, fine. I was going to wait until Christmas to tell you this, but apparently that's causing more trouble than it's worth. I got you a bunny." 

Kyuhyun narrows his eyes. "Don't lie to me." 

"I am not lying to you. If you go into the spare bedroom there's a bunny. I got this little bunny condo thing for him too, but they didn't tell me there was assembly required so it's not quite done  
\- " 

Kyuhyun is already sprinting down the hallway. 

* 

The rabbit looks at Kyuhyun. 

Kyuhyun looks back at the rabbit. 

It is the size of a large grapefruit, and white with little brown speckles. Its nose twitches. 

Kyuhyun quietly reaches out his hand and softly, carefully, pets the rabbit on the head. The rabbit makes that happy rabbit purring sound. 

"I don't know how you didn't realize I was harboring a secret rabbit," Zhou Mi remarks from the doorway. "What with all the rabbit-proofing and hay and vegetables and that big bag labeled 'pellets for young adult rabbits.'" 

"Oh my god," Kyuhyun whispers. "It's a bunny." 

"Yes, that's what it appears to be," says Zhou Mi, setting down a bowl of mustard greens. "Are you going to thank me, at all?" 

"Oh my god," Kyuhyun whispers. "It's a bunny." 

Zhou Mi dumps a handful of hay onto Kyuhyun's head. 

**Author's Note:**

> lmao i'm going to start writing real fic soon, i promise.


End file.
